I nestled my head into the nook of his chest & felt the tears roll down my cheeks.
“I knew that it might happen…but I didn’t know it would feel THIS bad.”
Breastfeeding; It’s a mine field.
From cracked nipples, to tongue ties, breast pumps to nipple shields; it’s certainly not as easy as they portray.
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I had heard about the hormone crash that could happen during & after weaning but perhaps being aware of it made me realise just how hard it hit. Some days I didn’t even recognise myself.
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I sobbed gently into my partner’s chest questioning whether I had made the right decision. Was it selfish? Should I have stuck it out for longer? Should it be THIS difficult if it was the right time to do it?
That day was the hardest. It was like I was on a rollercoaster of emotions & I just wanted to get off. Laughing one minute, crying the next. The only way to console me was similar to a small child; a cuddle, some chocolate & a nap.
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The more I researched, the more Dr Google informed as to just how much was going on inside my body & quite frankly, I’m surprised my level of emotional volatility wasn’t higher. Apart from my hormones taking a step back in time to relive their puberty days, it seems that physically my breasts were actually eating themselves.
Yes you did read that correctly.
As the milk production slows, the surrounding cells eat those that are no longer producing until there are none left – ruthless.
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Disturbing as this news was, strangely it made me feel a little comfort in knowing that just in the way that my body changed to create my baby, it needed time to change back & re-adjust afterwards. I wasn’t going crazy, it was science & with that, each day things started to get easier.
Slowly but surely my milk supply decreased & I began to feel more and more like myself until before I knew it I was pumping my last pump. Just like that our journey had come to an end; it was bittersweet but I was proud to say I’d gotten through it.
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Nothing in motherhood comes with a manual & the toll it can take on your body & mind is incomparable…But it always gets better & it’s always worth it xx
